What Did I Say? Part II (Can we get on the same page?)

What Did I Say? Part II (Can we get on the same page?)

So I was watching "Being MaryJane". Well first off, let me clarify that I watch television strictly for entertainment purposes as it was meant for and not as a blueprint for making life decisions. Unfortunately like some folks tend to do. Anyway... I was watching "Being MaryJane" and I was introduced to the term "cutty buddy". I got the gist of what a "cutty buddy" is, but being the inquisitive lady that I am, I had to find out for sure what the Hell that was. So I did what any normal person with common sense would do. I googled it. Just as I suspected the first result was for the urban dictionary site. For anyone that's in the same boat with me and doesn't keep up with the ever changing "urban" vernacular. A cutty buddy is a person you only have sex with. No dating, no relationship. Just strictly sex. Just like any other dictionary site, synonyms are provided. I was unpleasantly surprised to see friend among the synonyms for cutty buddy. My initial reaction was "Are you kidding me!? How the Hell is friend listed here!?" Then I wondered "When did the meaning of friend change to this?! Have I been living under a rock?!" Okay, true I'm more of a homebody and I don't get out much. Plus I'm a bit selective of who I spend my time with. On top of that, I don't make it a priority to keep up with the current slang, but geez!  Finally it dawned on me, the breakdown in communication I've been having lately. 

So I've had attempts of connecting with a few men on G+ and I've been upfront and honest on what my intentions are. Which in my case, is a friendship and in turn they agree... at first. I would say perhaps after a few exchanges of the typical getting to know you questions, here they come with the more sexual, risque questions. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm no prude and I'm comfortable with talking bout sex, but I'm not trying to send any mixed signals. Learning that the term friend has taken on this new meaning, I now have a better understanding in the breakdown in communication. I've been using the term friend in it's traditional meaning. Not in this unfortunate, twisted version that it's morphed into. 

Great! Now I have to clarify when I say "Sure we can be friends", that I mean in the original meaning of the word. Not "Sure, I'd be happy to let you smash!" No I don't apologize for not willing to be some dude's cutty buddy, side piece, booty call or fuck buddy! I deserve more than that! 

What Did I Say?

What Did I Say?

If there was ever a question of, does God have a sense of humor? The answer is absolfuckinglutely! Why would He or She (whatever your view is) create two genders of the same species, that need each other, yet have such a hard time communicating? Now, I didn't say it was a funny joke, but the situation is a joke. 

We've all heard the phrase; men are from Mars, women are from Venus. That seems to be the running excuse for why there's this prominent communication problem. If I were to venture a guess, I would say that age old reason would account for maybe, hmm... 30% of the problem, perhaps 65% is lack of honesty and the other 5% for purposely being encrypted.  

I understand everybody lies. Some lie or "bend the truth" to spare someone's feeling. On the other end of that spectrum, some lie just for the sake of lying. But have we've become so arrogant and fear rejection so greatly that a large amount of us lie to get what we want; regardless of how it could possibly damage another person? 

As of late, it seems I've been having a breakdown in communicating with a few individuals. I make it a habit to be upfront and honest about my intentions, if you will. Also my position and opinion on different subjects. With that being said, I get that not all women are clear about what they want. Hell! Not all people are clear about what they want. No matter how rare, I express that I'm being completely honest and as transparent as I can be. There's no need for interpretation! There's no encrypted message, no guessing games! So when I say "I'm not trying to be with anyone, right now". I mean just that! It doesn't need to be translated or interpreted to mean "Hell nah! I don't want to be with you!" I'm not rejecting you as a person, cause I don't think you're not good enough. I'm trying to heal and I feel it would be irresponsible to start a new relationship when I'm not emotionally ready. Unfortunately, it hasn't been perceived as such.

Now I'm sure most men have been trying to decipher "Venusian" or "the language of women". Just like women have been plagued with overthinking, trying to translate "Martian" or "the language of men". What happened to communicating like the humans that we are? Nowadays we have to speak a number of languages. I myself, am "multilingual". Because I'm female I'm fluent in "Venusian" and "passive aggressive". Thanks to my family, I'm also quite fluent in "sarcasm". I'm slowly, but surely learning "Martian" and Italian. I occasionally get a whiff, but can't seem to appreciate "bitchassanese" though.

My point is. If we all began to make it a habit to say what we mean and mean what we say. Perhaps there would be less confusion. 

What the Hell Happened to Dating?

What the Hell Happened to Dating?

In this day and age, it seems it's getting more difficult to find a mate. I like I'm sure a great deal of you wonder, "why is it so damn hard to find someone who wants to be with me and only me?" Am I right? 

Over the years, I've had questions pop in my mind that don't necessarily get answered. For me it seems like the answer to most of my questions is; the majority of us are not comfortable allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and be honest about what we truly want. We fear rejection. We've all been hurt a time or two... or more and with each instance of getting hurt, we become more guarded and jaded. We build up walls that we believe will protect us. Trust me! I recently had my heart ripped out and destroyed, by a man I was head over heels, more sure than I know 2+2=4, in love with and not only am I trying to heal and bounce back from it. I'm absolutely terrified to let someone else in! 

I often think about how patience has become a lost virtue. It's understandable with the world growing into a more rapid state, everyday. We're used to getting practically everything in a blink of an eye. We've been conditioned to not have to wait or put much effort into getting what we desire. It seems that way of thinking has gone into "dating" or finding love. Not many are willing to put in the effort or build a solid foundation it takes to have a lasting relationship. What happened to courting a lady or genuinely getting to know someone? Or not giving up on someone you claim to love, when you hit a rough patch? Love isn't easy, lust is and it seems a great deal are settling for lust. 

Men claim they want a lady, but a lady isn't easily won. Most give up pursuit, when she doesn't yield after a few compliments. Men are supposed to be natural hunters. A dedicated "hunter" finds no joy in a prey that's easily attained. What happened to having stimulating conversation, that doesn't involve talking about sex? When did getting to know how well a person gives head, become more important than getting to know what's inside their head? When did the measurements of my body exceed the importance of the measurements of my being a good person? Now I'm sure you're probably feel like I'm attacking the guys and perhaps I am a bit. However I don't place all the blame on men. Women have just as an equal part in this joke we call "dating". 

Ladies! A great deal of women make it difficult for men to express interest, without being called "thirsty". Also, we have got to stop settling for nonsense! Not all of us are guilty of this, just like not all men are guilty of being "dogs" or "playas". However the bad has grown more prevalent than the good. 

Look. I get that men are visual creatures and we want very much to be desired. However not all attention is good attention. It's all in the presentation. How do expect to find a man who wants to be with you long term, if you're presenting yourself like a woman displayed in a window working in Amsterdam's Red Light District? Being a woman is your gender, being a lady is a choice. Okay! I get it! You're proud of your body and that's great! But don't complain about the comments guys leave on the postings YOU put up, of yourself damn near naked. Or how those same guys just wanna fuck you or make you a side piece. Then bitch about how they're all the same. No! Your presentation is saying "My tits, pussy and ass is all I have to bring to the table". In the words of Dave Chappelle "You may not be a whore, but you're wearing a whore's uniform." 

I believe you can determine a person's intent, by the questions they ask. For example if majority of a guys questions posed to me center around sex and only sex. I can pretty much tell, that's all he wants from me. Sometimes we miss the signs, cause we're so into what we want. I like everyone else have made mistakes. I had to learn that cast in the right light, even a cubic zirconia can look like a diamond. 

Eventhough I have yet to find my Warrior King, I believe there are still some good men out there. Yes, it can be exhausting and at times I just wanna give up on the ideal of finding a mate. But I need a man! Not to complete me, but to compliment my life. 

Let's be honest. Whether it's for love, acceptance or just simply attention. We're all thirsty. But the first step in getting what we truly want is to be honest. Yes! It's easier said than done, but eventually the truth will come out. Also realize something like love is not easily won. It takes patience and you have to be willing to do the work.